Year of the Hare

•January 2, 2014 • Leave a Comment

It’s a rainy cold day here in Chapel Hill and as I locate an old blog site and transfer the blogs to my current one, it was a stumbled trip down memory lane. However, I can say that I made it safe and sound with no flashbacks. I’m down a mocha and staring at a half eaten plate of the most unique flavored biscuits and gravy I have ever tasted wondering what have I missed on my to do list?

I have decided to for-go a New Years resolution I feel this is so 1999. If your my age and haven’t done it already quit kidding yourself and focus the energy on something else. I am feeling empowered with all that lays in my horizon. New career in massage and energy work. Prospects of another spiritual retreat to Peru in Autumn and the prospects of a mural for a local business in Durham. But, what I keep thinking is all Nancy and I are missing is a bundled bouncing baby. Yep, that is all I want for 2014 is to be a mama. I mean if I can take off as many things off my bucket list as I did in 2013 (12 things to be exact) I won’t complain but this is where I want my heart to focus. I am ready, we are ready and I know that I will be fabulous mudder. I mean ask Roxy. (the dog)

So here is to the Hare and the year of fast paced abundance. I am ready and my wheels are turning and I am laid back in drive with my foot on the peddle to the right. Last, year was a warm up and this year is already 48 hours old, time to own it.

I remind myself its not when you come into the game its what your doing or not doing when the buzzer goes off that matters.

Idle No More – Circa 2005 –

•January 2, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Idle Chatter

 

Idle chattering in my ears. My heart pounding in my chest. Each thumps gives way to a whooshing feeling that rushes and penetrates my brain. I am alive. In the middle of a predicament that will be long and strung out but redemption comes as an unusual friend. Blabbering in consistent memoirs of Christmas past I cannot keep up with the rushing of mortality. I get it. I accept it. I must go on. Returned hope in the form of an inquisition that I close my eyes to avoid. But the visions bounce off eyelids beckoning me to peek. Flaming images sear my vision I don’t want to see it anymore. Once again idle chatter. Deciphering a message that binds and bends against the normalcy and yet I keep peeking. Split fingers hiding behind a half peek a boo I stare, mouth gaping. All others staring idling with queer expressions. Perhaps that bit of intuition that guides us knows something that I cannot yet comprehend. It drops settle hints as to what is coming. Broken smiles permeated by inhibitors. The banshee is restless she misses the adventure and sting of a quick slap given to an unexpected victim. Ruling by insticnt and the rushing of hate. She lays in a deep slumber. She exhales an elixir of sedation that settles silently upon my lips, sugar coating the truth. Blinders make everything appear angelic, un-flawed and perfect. Rubbing centuries of compounded sleep from my eyes I see for the first time the me lee that is raging before us. Seductive lies ring with in my ears. Drifting through the breeze quiet as a mouse it’s the words of reason with a declaration from hope. Idle chatter coming from all directions trying to direct us to the promise land. Though there is no map to such a place and many long ago faltered from proving the path leading to redemption truly exists and does not lead one off a pier into oblivion. We are universal strays trapped in the galaxies pound and we are meant to be kept on short leashes. So we do not discover that the fence of conformity is a simple illusion that can be easily penetrated and climbed over. It’s what lies on the other side that scares the shit out of us that leaves us looking through broken dreams and demands that we cannot fulfill. So we stay in a level of comfort engaging in idle chatter about jumping fences, breaking cycles, living each day as if it were the last, speaking empty words about empty promises and promoting hatred through ignorance. Commit to change and stop tolerating idle chatter.

Circa 2008

•January 2, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Lucidity

 

I thought I knew myself
My body
My feelings
My thoughts
My mind now reeling

30 days of night
wringing sweat from my sheets
not sleeping for weeks
picking blisters from my palm

Pushing and backing up on it
I get it
She gets it
We got it
Not the same

Who was all this for
I am really not sure
It was the same
Like finding my old softball glove
I know where to bend
and how it feels
It still catches
Not the same

Will I return
Find my place
is this a game
I thought I knew the rules
but it’s not the same

May 2008

•January 2, 2014 • Leave a Comment

roman candle sticks

 
Hot springs hot water
Mercy me
Mountains
Trees
Feeling Free

Catch and Release
Full moon
A beast
Charging
Break the skin
Coming through

Round and full
Silhouetting landscapes
Rushed by a lovers touch
Mother nature caressing
Father time
Coming and colliding
Divine

Rush the morning
Night cannot wait
Smooth and slick
Light up like a roman candle stick

June 2008

•January 2, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Invitro

 

I planted a seed
I stopped it from growing
I had feelings for her
Emotions were flowing
I stunted the growth
Of the feelings I had
I am tired of explaining
Who’s truth is right
How to explain
Not sleeping at night
Realizing I wasn’t happy
Feeling no shame
Now I am caught up in patriot games
I know you will read this
That is who you are
You fucking with shit
You don’t know by far
And if you think
This is eating at me
Your so far from wrong
I am happy and free
I have re-found myself
I am writing this because
This was our fight
Regardless of what happened on Friday night
We all made choices
We all played the game
The problem I am having
Is your lack of shame
Your fucking with her
To get back at me
You couldn’t stand her presence
You talked lots of shit
You know this is truth
No matter your wit
Keep playing games
Your good at what you do
Your fucking with her head
But this ain’t all on you
The phone rings both ways
An email or a text
Your wallowing in your guilt
This is all too much
But I am the bigger woman
It’s easy to see
You send all you want
She is here with me
I live by my own freedom
My own accord
You are simply just there
When she starts to get bored
No reflection on me
I pity the jest
Keep up your shit
and wait for the rest……………

June 2008

•January 2, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Dreams on eyelids

 

Her breathing indicates she is sleeping
Ani’s wailing and vexing troubled lovers
The moon hangs lazily and hazy
early in the Montana morning
Before the deer start to lurch
to find eating places
Before the conformist start church
hiding in holy spaces
Saved from grace
Hidden in the space between her body and the wall
The air chills my body
My heart is warm
Nipples peaked
Mind reeling
I don’t want to move
My arms asleep
Mind wandering through
Her legs wrapped in mine
never the same between each time
No lover before has stained my brain
question my sanity, tainted and strained
Coy she can be, she knows her power
Minutes lasped hour by hour
Drunken state of bliss
Drink her up
laps and lips
sip by sip
I move she wakes
her mouth parched
Too many kisses
to much rum
hit it baby
Grind
Expand
I am coming undone
within my mind?
Spin it
Sugar
Cotton candy
on a purple stick
I see the sun coming up
Am I sleeping
watching dreams on my eyelids?

June 2008

•January 2, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Tight Fit

 

There are days I question myself alot
I ask do you know what it is you want
Are you afraid to state your needs
What do you need as a woman
What do you need as a lover
What do you need as a writer
What do you need to feel complete?

A tight fit of where I am
Where I feel like I want to be
Where I know I need to be
Where she keeps me
Where she lets me go
Amongst the shoulders
of those that have held me up
Or have held me down

Loosely formed
Gathered around the sides
Stitched in
Stitched up
Bound from the inside
Tie my hands above my head
Let me stare
Burn right through
Find the fit
The pinch
The burn
Where the edges of life
and love start to blur
Find my place
Pushing through
Hiding myself out of view
I was wrong for the things I said
It doesn’t make them wrong
Just better implied
Because I was hurting
Tearing and splitting
Inside
Outside
Bending
Breaking
Conforming
The world will not mold me
Stiff legged like a child
Cramming tiny feet into little shoes
I am who I am
Ask no more from me, that is it
Where I find myself is in a tight fit

 
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